Why Men and Women Can't be Friends

We've all see When Harry Met Sally and have heard the stance on why men and women can't be friends. Here's a video of a guy doing a social experiment and asking random college students with they are friends with the opposite sex and you'll be surprised to hear the responses.



Shout out to: Young Independent Filmmakers Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero for creating the video and posting it.

Words to Live By

I came across this through a friend and wanted to share it, since the words and actions is describes is some pretty good advice to live by.

(Less than) Desirable Attire

Now that the weather is warmer you see more and people wearing less, to say the least. Guys walking around topless, girls walking around with dresses that barely cover the essentials and others that you just sit and wonder... “what were they thinking?”. I understand that if you have the rock hard body of a Greek god or goddess you want to flaunt it, but with that come the stereotypes and impressions that you leave. There is a time and place to be “barely dressed” and it seems that not everyone is on the same page for this, so to sum it up it’s okay to be “barely dressed” at the beach, boat, pool and in the privacy of your own home but when you are socializing around families, hanging out with friends, in a public space (restaurant, festivals, bars, etc.), walking down the street… cover up! At first I thought it was just me that made this observation but after talking to some friends and strangers (both guys and girls) I realized that we all agreed, no matter where you rank on the “hotness” scale if you come off self-centered based on the way you are dressed people are less likely to approach you because there isn’t enough space for them and your ego in the equation. It’s funny how the girls that dress scantily wonder why they always get the guys that are looking for one night stands, if you are dressing the part what did you expect? Have respect for yourself in that you are more than just an object to look at, you are a person that has something to say with words not the way that you are dressed. Leave something to the imagination. As for the guys, while I appreciate you being eye candy and going topless, you pretty much come off being cocky, self-involved and egotistical. Even if you are a genuinely nice guy, it’s hard to look past that exterior image that you portray by going topless at inappropriate times. Most girls would agree that if picking between a topless hard body and a casually dressed average Joe to approach, average Joe would win on the sheer fact that he’s just more approachable and doesn’t have a stereotype that lingers with his attire, or lack of. All in all the reality of it is that we attract people based on the way we look and present ourselves, but we should do it with dignity and not let our attire (or lack of) hinder us from meeting quality people.

Expiration Dates

Expiration dates aren’t only for food, they hold true for relationships too. Whether romantic, career or friendship, they all have an expiration date. It could be in a few months, years, or a date so far into the future that you never get close enough to realize it. We’ve all been there.. the relationship that went on longer that it should have...staying at a job that you start to despise, or the relationship you are in just because you afraid of the 6 letter word.. SINGLE! Is it really better to be in a “relationship” that is past its expiration date? If you are no longer happy is it really worth it to invest time and energy? Some may argue that its just a rough patch, but when the rough patch has lasted 3 months and nothings changed, its time to get out. There is the “grace period”, you know when you drink milk that is 3 days expired. You are taking your chances by doing it, you can be fine or you can get sick, but its a risk you are willing to take. But as you get further from the initial sign of the expiration date are you willing to take the same risks? Would you drink milk 2 months after its expiration date? Probably not. So why should a relationship be any different?

You many not agree with the expiration date and try to hold on trying to make it work, but that is an indication that the relationship has expired (or approaching the expiration date). I’m not saying that relationships are effortless, but if you are constantly unhappy and stressed in a relationship is it really work being in? If we all serve a purpose/function in each others lives isn’t the expiration date telling us that the purpose has been fulfilled and you need to move on?

Expiration dates don’t have to mean that its over for good, it could mean that that there is a new purpose or function that the job or person needs to fulfill. Think about the friends that have grown with you over the years, many of them may have come close to their expiration dates, but the relationship is reinvented time and time again and a new function/purpose is there to be fulfilled. We grow as people and relationships need to do the same.

Some expiration dates are created while others we have to create our own but knowing that there is an existence of an expiration date makes you realize that not everything is meant to last forever.

Learn from your mistakes?

Imagine you and a friend are walking down the street and a car is about to hit your friend… what do you do? Your natural instinct would be to scream or push them out of harms way. We care about our friends and we’d do what ever we can to prevent them from getting hurt by a car. Does that same idea apply to relationships? If the “car” is a bad relationship, is it our job to prevent our friend from getting hurt? We’ve all seen it happen, your friend is dating someone that you believe to be potentially harmful, what do you do? Do what you can to prevent them from getting hurt or just stay quiet and wait to pick up the pieces? I understand that life is about learning from your mistakes, but if someone else has already made that mistake can you learn from theirs or do you have to make the mistake for yourself? Can you learn from other people’s mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart? I’ve seen it first hand that a friend has made the same mistake time and time again, and at first your instinct is to make sure that they are happy and when the pieces need to be picked up, you are there for that. But there comes a point at which you are tired of seeing them hurt and you having to pick up the pieces. Does that make you a bad person? At the end of the day there are some instances in which you can’t help someone if they don’t want to be helped.

Defriending

In life when you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, do you keep in touch with their friends via phone/text after? Probably not, unless its one of those situations in which you were all friends before we started dating (and I have my own thoughts on that scenario, to be revealed at a later date). So why do I need to keep my ex's friends as my friends on Facebook? We all hate to admit it, but Facebook has become a way of life. You get to work and post a status, comment on your friends pictures, browse your friends to see what they are up to, check it on your phone... we are constantly Facebooking. So if Facebook it such an integral part of our lives why should people that are no longer a part of our lives be privelaged to see what going on? I'm sure some people are hurt when they are "defriended" but honestly get over it. If you are not longer a part of my life and my circle, I really don't care to know what you are up to and I don't think you deserve to know that I'm doing.

Marry you at 30?

At some point in our lives, we've all made or at least considered the "if we aren't married by the time we are 30 we'll marry each other" promise with a friend. But who actually takes advantage of something like that? You make a promise with someone that you knew 10 years ago, and the reality of it is that A LOT changes in 10 years. What are the chances that you still keep in touch with and more importantly is still attracted to the the "promise partner" of the future? I mean if you can in fact actually see yourself with that person forever, if so why haven't you hooked up with them yet? Would you really be able to be in a relationship knowing that it happened just because it was a promise that you made when you were 18? Everyone is always on a quest for "their soul mate" and 'true love" so what if you marry someone because of the promise and then meet your "soul mate" the year later? What do you do? Is there anyone that actually takes advantage of the "marry you at 30 promise? So to anyone that I may have made this promise with, I'm sorry but I take it back and we should both continue our searches alone. Who knows if its meant to be our paths may cross once again.

What's your type?

We all think we have our ideal type of significant other. Whether its a personality, looks, job whatever it may be we have a preconceived notion of who we should be with. But if we are always trying to go after our ideal types and they aren't working out, do we really know that our ideal types are? Should we be a little more open to going outside of our comfort zone and then we may really see what our ideals are? Its easy to think that you know what you want based on the similarities and differences from past relationships and the reasons why things didn't work out in the past. For example, if you dated someone and then disputed about religion and finally broke up because of it you are more likely to not date someone outside of your religion with the fear that you'd go through the same type of break up again. I'm not saying that you should go entirely against your beliefs and morals, becaue that is the true core of a person, but think outside of the box. If you think you want a guy that has a 9-5 day job try dating someone that does freelance work and has a flexible schedule. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, at least you can say that you tried something new and you'll learn more about your self and what you can adapt to. Sometimes its true we don't know what we were missing until it arrives....at the same time...try everything once... twice if you like it.

Too independent for our own good?

As we all get older and out friends and family are getting married and having babies, you get more pressure from yourself and your family to get on the wagon and start joining in on the wedding/baby trend.I'm not blaming my friends, I just implying that the lifestyle my friends and I live could possibly contribute to us all being single. Think about it, most things you would do with a significant other you can do with your friends, check out a new restaurant, travel, go to a movie, be a date at a wedding, game night, etc. Aside from the physical aspect of a relationship you already have your friends covering all aspects (emotional, social, mental). I look at my group of friends that are single and granted we all want to get married at some point, but in the meantime we haven't been enjoying the ride with our friends till it happens. So I can see why it becomes more difficult to meet someone and let them in when you have already made a comfortable little "nest" for yourself. I do believe that its going to happen when it happens, but at the same time we all need to be proactive about it. Is our independence what prevents us from being in relationships? Has our independence made us forget how to compromise? Or do we know what we want and aren't willing to settle until we find it?

Changes in life...

Have you ever hung out with some friends and thought to yourself “so and so has changed”? I’m sure we’ve all had a moment like that whether it’s with childhood friends, everyday friends, co-workers, who ever it may be, you know what I’m talking about. I guess the question is, have THEY really changed or have YOU changed? Regardless of who changed, change is good right? Life experiences change us, think about when you went away to college and came home for the holidays and met up with some high school friends. Some of them changed and you still got along with them, probably because you went through the same experiences, while others still stayed like there were in high school and you just grow apart. Are the changes and experiences that we go through what actually brings us together and breaks us apart? I understand that we are all individuals with different experiences, stories, personalities and ideas, but don’t you think that within a group of friends you are all friends because you have a common thread? Or is it by default as in person A is friends with person B and person B is friends with person C so person A and person C are now friends? Do friendships like that last when it’s by default? Are you more likely to push through and make it work when it’s friendship by default or more likely to let it go?

True love on tv?

We all are searching for our "soul mates" and some people think that being in front of camera while having an intimate moment or just having dinner is the key to finding that person. Honestly, if you aren't successful on your own, how much can it help to have millions of viewers watching you on TV and having the rest of the cast and crew on-set watching you and telling you "can you kiss him again, we missed that shot". Is it really possible to find true love on TV? I mean look at the track record of shows like the Bachelor, the Bachellorette, I Love New York, Rock of Love.. etc, how may of those have actually resulted in long-lasting relationship? If I'm not mistaken the only success story is Trista from the Bachellorette. Yet everyone is looking for their big break on those shows. What is the value of your personal life being personal, privacy, living a normal life? Celebrities are trying to get out of the limelight to get some privacy yet everyday people are looking to get in it to exploit their privacy. Are we just greedy? So what happens to those reality stars that get on a show and "play the game"? Only a handful of them actually maintain their D-List status, but then you go back to your regular life; except now all your friends, family and even strangers already have a new viewpoint of you. We all like to think that your close friends and family know and love you for who you are, but when you put yourself out on TV like that this is a difference in opinion no matter how big or small. Reality television is going to portray you in a way in which it draws in the most viewers, and if that means that they are going to exploit you as being the B*&%@ of the group, are you ready to live with that? It’s easy to want to see your name on the small screen but at what cost?

Promise me this...

Maybe it’s just me, but promises are a big deal. A promise according to the dictionary is a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by one. If you are going to make a promise that means that it is something of importance and value to you. So why do people break promises? I understand that a drunken promise may not hold much value but sober ones definitely do. If you ask me you shouldn’t make a promise if you don’t have the intention of keeping. Or if you can’t keep it there should a good reason for it. If you take the time and effort to make the promise have the decency to follow through and be good on your word. Remember when we were younger our parents promised that they’d take us to Chuck E. Cheese and then they didn’t and how upset we were. I feel that same way when a friend breaks a promise to me now. I don’t make promises that I can’t keep so I expect the same of those around me… is that too much to ask? All I'm asking is that you follow through with a promise you are making or if you can't don't make it.

Are all friendships meant to be forever?

Losing touch with friends seems to be a part of life, its not like we are still best friends with people we knew in first grade. I’m sure some of you are, but we become friends with people in life and then people move, we grow apart or we just lose contact. In either case why is it more difficult to get out of a bad friendship than a bad relationship? If you are in a bad relationship your friends will be the first to say you need to dump him/her and you can do so much better. But when you are in a bad friendship that is no longer beneficial to either party where are your friends to tell you that you can do better and that he/she has changed and you are better without them? Do we hold our friends at a higher standard than our significant others? Friendships are a type of a relationship so why should it be any different? As strange as it may sound, I definitely have some friendships from my past that were good while they lasted but I no longer talk to them or confide in them. It’s somewhat refreshing in the sense that you are not longer putting for the effort into something that isn’t growing. Much like a relationship all friendships can’t last forever, right?

Enough with the PDA

Is it me or are more and more people partaking in PDA now that its getting warmer out or am I just noticing it more? I'm talking about Public Displays of Affection not to be mistaken with Personal Digital Assitants. It seems that everywhere I go I see people making out and all over each other. Is it really necessary? I understand that you are in love and I’m happy for you, but do you really need to force the rest of the world to see it? If we wanted to see people hooking up you can watch tv, a movie or porn for that matter. Can’t the privacy of your own home be enough space for you to display affection? I understand that you may want to hold hands or give a little kiss in public, but anything beyond that is just creating a public show. Having to show everyone how much in love you are through PDA must say something about your relationship, almost as if you are trying to justify it. So the next time you are thinking about being all over your significant other think who's watching...

Listening is a skill

I’m sure it has happened to all of us, we are talking to someone and you ask them then something they say ‘what’ and then before you get to repeat what you just said, they respond. I know it has happened to me and I’m sure that I’ve probably been guilty of it a few times. Are we really that self-involved that we are too focused on what wear going to say? I remember my 7th grade teacher saying "listening is a skill", and its something that has always stuck with me. When conversing with someone, you need to listen, comprehend and then respond. More often than not we listen and only hear what we want to hear and then move straight to responding, without comprehending. Is it human nature to always be defensive and ready to respond instead of just taking it for what it is? Is it a default in the brain that we automatically say "what" before anything else? I saw a shirt that explained it best "half listening as usual". So the next time you are talking to someone, listen to what is being said and take a second before you respond, its amazing how much more you will understand.

“There are people, who instead of listening to what is being said to the, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.”

City appreciation

Why do we wait until we have friends or family in town to take advantage of the "touristy" things our city has to offer? I'm sure that many people that live in Chicago have never been on the architecture boat tour, walked through Millennium Park, seen a concert a Ravinia, gone to the Lincoln Park Zoo, gone to a sporting event... the list goes on. Why don't we take advantage of what the city has to offer regardless of who's in town? Chicago like many other cities has a variety of events and activities taking place throughout the year regardless of the weather, but its not until you have guests in town that you do new things. Why not do new things with the friends that live here? It would be like a new adventure in exploring your city, so that the next time you have friends or family in town you can recommend something that is truly unique to your city. Are we only willing to splurge in our city when we have a reason? Is living life not reason enough?

Minor changes…huge consequences

If you could go back and make changes in your life would you? What would you change? Personally I wouldn’t want to go back and change anything because the people I've met and the experiences I've been through have made me who I am today. My life isn't perfect, but its my life and I'm happy with it and the way its going. Yeah, I it would be great if I had a job right now, but then I wouldn't be able to write my blog or do the random freelance work that I'm working on. Change one thing no matter how small and it has major impact on the next outcome in life. I may not have met the people that have become an important part of my life and who I am. I wouldn’t have the same memories that I have with my friends and family and all the good times and bad times that we’ve been through. Most of all, if I was to change my past, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Everything that has happened to me from birth till now has made me who I am and has given me the life lessons that help me make everyday decisions in my life. So think about it, if you were to go back in time and make a change in your life.. would it be worth it? Would you be happier? Do you have more to gain or lose in the change?

It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. - Chaos Theory

Want to do or ought to do...

Growing up our parents always told us what was wrong and what was right. As we grow older we know what we ought to do but we also know what we want to do. So the question is how should we live our lives? Should we do what we want to do or what society expects us to do? Who are we living our lives for? We've all seen the person in their mid-twenties who's life still seems to be controled by their parents. Shouldn't we come to a point at which we stand our own ground and make the decisions that impact our lives? I'm not saying you shouldn't respect your parents, since they are the ones that brought you into the world and taught you the the basics of life, morals, beliefs and right from wrong. But when do we become indiviuals that think and act for one's self? Our parents teach us the foundation and once in a while it may need to be "renovated" based on what you experienced in life. We go into the "real world" armed with what we've been told we "ought" to do but and we go through life we come to realize that we want to do something outside of the normal. The problem we then face is that when we do something we "want" to do society looks down upon us. There is no right or wrong way to live your life as long as you are happy and doing things that make you happy while adding something posivite to society without hurting others you are on the right track.

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Life is a game of baseball...

So its officially baseball season and as I was watching the Cubs game the other day, I came to the realization that life is a lot like a baseball game. Its a slow and steady game that takes patience. You go through slumps. You strike out, sometimes a lot. And you'll make mistakes both physical and mental at crucial times. But in the end as long as you know the fundamentals of the game and you can take it head on, your insight and perseverance will pay off.
In baseball you start off as a rookie, watching and learning from the seasoned pros, you'll strike out, make mistakes and get benched but you take the lessons you've learned as you progress. In life you are born and learn what to do in life by watching your parents you'll make mistakes, get in trouble at school, get in a fight, get rejected by someone you like, but you learn and go on with your life. As you get more field time and mature you learn more about what you are capable of learn your strengths and weakness and play off of those. You'll take more chances because you have faith in yourself and so does your team (family and friends). You are becoming comfortable in your own skin and learning that even though you strike out sometimes, every time you put yourself out there you are increasing your chances of succeeding. You'll get those big home runs, graduate college, land your first real job, get married have kids and enjoy the game along the way. Baseball is a team sport and requires the coordination and support of all the players to succeed. In life the support from friends and family will help you by giving you that extra push you need to do something out of the box, and motivate you to believe in yourself and what you are able to achieve. In baseball and life big changes can happen in a matter of seconds and it all comes down to how you play the game and the players you have on the field with you.

"Never let the fear of striking get in your way" ~Babe Ruth

Cabbie Talk

I've taken cabs during the day and the cabbie stops talking on the phone to ask me where I'm going and then goes back to their phone conversation. Then there are those drunk cab rides home that you tell the cabbie where you need to go and he's probably telling the person on the other end of the phone how he/she just picked up a passenger that is drunk and better not throw-up in the cab. What kind of cell phone plans do cabbies have that they are able to talk all day and all night? True most cell phone companies offer unlimited plans for day and night, but then that brings up the question... who are they talking to? Yeah I have friends that I talk to numerous times a day about nothing, but its not something that happens everyday. Cabbies talk on the phone every day all day. So who are they talking to at such odd hours of the day? Do they talk to other cabbies about new routes or hotspots for passengers? Are they complaining about their passengers?