True love on tv?

We all are searching for our "soul mates" and some people think that being in front of camera while having an intimate moment or just having dinner is the key to finding that person. Honestly, if you aren't successful on your own, how much can it help to have millions of viewers watching you on TV and having the rest of the cast and crew on-set watching you and telling you "can you kiss him again, we missed that shot". Is it really possible to find true love on TV? I mean look at the track record of shows like the Bachelor, the Bachellorette, I Love New York, Rock of Love.. etc, how may of those have actually resulted in long-lasting relationship? If I'm not mistaken the only success story is Trista from the Bachellorette. Yet everyone is looking for their big break on those shows. What is the value of your personal life being personal, privacy, living a normal life? Celebrities are trying to get out of the limelight to get some privacy yet everyday people are looking to get in it to exploit their privacy. Are we just greedy? So what happens to those reality stars that get on a show and "play the game"? Only a handful of them actually maintain their D-List status, but then you go back to your regular life; except now all your friends, family and even strangers already have a new viewpoint of you. We all like to think that your close friends and family know and love you for who you are, but when you put yourself out on TV like that this is a difference in opinion no matter how big or small. Reality television is going to portray you in a way in which it draws in the most viewers, and if that means that they are going to exploit you as being the B*&%@ of the group, are you ready to live with that? It’s easy to want to see your name on the small screen but at what cost?

Promise me this...

Maybe it’s just me, but promises are a big deal. A promise according to the dictionary is a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by one. If you are going to make a promise that means that it is something of importance and value to you. So why do people break promises? I understand that a drunken promise may not hold much value but sober ones definitely do. If you ask me you shouldn’t make a promise if you don’t have the intention of keeping. Or if you can’t keep it there should a good reason for it. If you take the time and effort to make the promise have the decency to follow through and be good on your word. Remember when we were younger our parents promised that they’d take us to Chuck E. Cheese and then they didn’t and how upset we were. I feel that same way when a friend breaks a promise to me now. I don’t make promises that I can’t keep so I expect the same of those around me… is that too much to ask? All I'm asking is that you follow through with a promise you are making or if you can't don't make it.

Are all friendships meant to be forever?

Losing touch with friends seems to be a part of life, its not like we are still best friends with people we knew in first grade. I’m sure some of you are, but we become friends with people in life and then people move, we grow apart or we just lose contact. In either case why is it more difficult to get out of a bad friendship than a bad relationship? If you are in a bad relationship your friends will be the first to say you need to dump him/her and you can do so much better. But when you are in a bad friendship that is no longer beneficial to either party where are your friends to tell you that you can do better and that he/she has changed and you are better without them? Do we hold our friends at a higher standard than our significant others? Friendships are a type of a relationship so why should it be any different? As strange as it may sound, I definitely have some friendships from my past that were good while they lasted but I no longer talk to them or confide in them. It’s somewhat refreshing in the sense that you are not longer putting for the effort into something that isn’t growing. Much like a relationship all friendships can’t last forever, right?

Enough with the PDA

Is it me or are more and more people partaking in PDA now that its getting warmer out or am I just noticing it more? I'm talking about Public Displays of Affection not to be mistaken with Personal Digital Assitants. It seems that everywhere I go I see people making out and all over each other. Is it really necessary? I understand that you are in love and I’m happy for you, but do you really need to force the rest of the world to see it? If we wanted to see people hooking up you can watch tv, a movie or porn for that matter. Can’t the privacy of your own home be enough space for you to display affection? I understand that you may want to hold hands or give a little kiss in public, but anything beyond that is just creating a public show. Having to show everyone how much in love you are through PDA must say something about your relationship, almost as if you are trying to justify it. So the next time you are thinking about being all over your significant other think who's watching...

Listening is a skill

I’m sure it has happened to all of us, we are talking to someone and you ask them then something they say ‘what’ and then before you get to repeat what you just said, they respond. I know it has happened to me and I’m sure that I’ve probably been guilty of it a few times. Are we really that self-involved that we are too focused on what wear going to say? I remember my 7th grade teacher saying "listening is a skill", and its something that has always stuck with me. When conversing with someone, you need to listen, comprehend and then respond. More often than not we listen and only hear what we want to hear and then move straight to responding, without comprehending. Is it human nature to always be defensive and ready to respond instead of just taking it for what it is? Is it a default in the brain that we automatically say "what" before anything else? I saw a shirt that explained it best "half listening as usual". So the next time you are talking to someone, listen to what is being said and take a second before you respond, its amazing how much more you will understand.

“There are people, who instead of listening to what is being said to the, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.”

City appreciation

Why do we wait until we have friends or family in town to take advantage of the "touristy" things our city has to offer? I'm sure that many people that live in Chicago have never been on the architecture boat tour, walked through Millennium Park, seen a concert a Ravinia, gone to the Lincoln Park Zoo, gone to a sporting event... the list goes on. Why don't we take advantage of what the city has to offer regardless of who's in town? Chicago like many other cities has a variety of events and activities taking place throughout the year regardless of the weather, but its not until you have guests in town that you do new things. Why not do new things with the friends that live here? It would be like a new adventure in exploring your city, so that the next time you have friends or family in town you can recommend something that is truly unique to your city. Are we only willing to splurge in our city when we have a reason? Is living life not reason enough?

Minor changes…huge consequences

If you could go back and make changes in your life would you? What would you change? Personally I wouldn’t want to go back and change anything because the people I've met and the experiences I've been through have made me who I am today. My life isn't perfect, but its my life and I'm happy with it and the way its going. Yeah, I it would be great if I had a job right now, but then I wouldn't be able to write my blog or do the random freelance work that I'm working on. Change one thing no matter how small and it has major impact on the next outcome in life. I may not have met the people that have become an important part of my life and who I am. I wouldn’t have the same memories that I have with my friends and family and all the good times and bad times that we’ve been through. Most of all, if I was to change my past, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Everything that has happened to me from birth till now has made me who I am and has given me the life lessons that help me make everyday decisions in my life. So think about it, if you were to go back in time and make a change in your life.. would it be worth it? Would you be happier? Do you have more to gain or lose in the change?

It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. - Chaos Theory

Want to do or ought to do...

Growing up our parents always told us what was wrong and what was right. As we grow older we know what we ought to do but we also know what we want to do. So the question is how should we live our lives? Should we do what we want to do or what society expects us to do? Who are we living our lives for? We've all seen the person in their mid-twenties who's life still seems to be controled by their parents. Shouldn't we come to a point at which we stand our own ground and make the decisions that impact our lives? I'm not saying you shouldn't respect your parents, since they are the ones that brought you into the world and taught you the the basics of life, morals, beliefs and right from wrong. But when do we become indiviuals that think and act for one's self? Our parents teach us the foundation and once in a while it may need to be "renovated" based on what you experienced in life. We go into the "real world" armed with what we've been told we "ought" to do but and we go through life we come to realize that we want to do something outside of the normal. The problem we then face is that when we do something we "want" to do society looks down upon us. There is no right or wrong way to live your life as long as you are happy and doing things that make you happy while adding something posivite to society without hurting others you are on the right track.

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Life is a game of baseball...

So its officially baseball season and as I was watching the Cubs game the other day, I came to the realization that life is a lot like a baseball game. Its a slow and steady game that takes patience. You go through slumps. You strike out, sometimes a lot. And you'll make mistakes both physical and mental at crucial times. But in the end as long as you know the fundamentals of the game and you can take it head on, your insight and perseverance will pay off.
In baseball you start off as a rookie, watching and learning from the seasoned pros, you'll strike out, make mistakes and get benched but you take the lessons you've learned as you progress. In life you are born and learn what to do in life by watching your parents you'll make mistakes, get in trouble at school, get in a fight, get rejected by someone you like, but you learn and go on with your life. As you get more field time and mature you learn more about what you are capable of learn your strengths and weakness and play off of those. You'll take more chances because you have faith in yourself and so does your team (family and friends). You are becoming comfortable in your own skin and learning that even though you strike out sometimes, every time you put yourself out there you are increasing your chances of succeeding. You'll get those big home runs, graduate college, land your first real job, get married have kids and enjoy the game along the way. Baseball is a team sport and requires the coordination and support of all the players to succeed. In life the support from friends and family will help you by giving you that extra push you need to do something out of the box, and motivate you to believe in yourself and what you are able to achieve. In baseball and life big changes can happen in a matter of seconds and it all comes down to how you play the game and the players you have on the field with you.

"Never let the fear of striking get in your way" ~Babe Ruth

Cabbie Talk

I've taken cabs during the day and the cabbie stops talking on the phone to ask me where I'm going and then goes back to their phone conversation. Then there are those drunk cab rides home that you tell the cabbie where you need to go and he's probably telling the person on the other end of the phone how he/she just picked up a passenger that is drunk and better not throw-up in the cab. What kind of cell phone plans do cabbies have that they are able to talk all day and all night? True most cell phone companies offer unlimited plans for day and night, but then that brings up the question... who are they talking to? Yeah I have friends that I talk to numerous times a day about nothing, but its not something that happens everyday. Cabbies talk on the phone every day all day. So who are they talking to at such odd hours of the day? Do they talk to other cabbies about new routes or hotspots for passengers? Are they complaining about their passengers?

Lesson Learned?

We've all been screwed in relationships before, whether its a break up because of ethnicity, race or religion or some other arbitrary reason. Its what we do after being hurt that matters most. Are you the person that shuns off all others that are that ethnicity, race or religion and make every other person that you meet pay for that person's mistake? Or do you learn from it and just go forward with a little more caution but still with an open heart? Of course you won't be able to forgive and forget overnight but over time you realize that it was probably better now than later that you were able to get out and move on. If you can learn from your mistake you can go forward knowing one more thing about your self and what you are looking for. Take your learn and grow from your personal experience, don't let what's happened to you keep you from meeting someone special down the road.

Here are my friends...

When and how should you introduce your significant other to your friends for the first time? Its a tricky situation because if you act too soon he/she may think that you are too serious and if you don't do it soon enough then you aren't serious enough. So when should you do it? 2 months? 3 months? 4 months? More importantly how is he/she going to meet you friends for the first time? All 30 of your friends at a bar for the first time? (Could be a bit intimidating) A small group of your close friends out for drinks? (Could create a more comfortable atmosphere) Is it best to have a "drinking" environment to the first time meeting your significant others friends to help ease the nerves? (Nothing like liquid courage) I think the ideal way to meet a significant others friends is a small group of 3-4 out for drinks after dinner. That way you get your quality time with your significant other and then get to see the other influences in his life. A small group meeting allows a more personal conversation for your significant other to have with your friends rather than the feeling of being an outsider, provided your friends and significant other aren't both extremely shy. The right time to meet your significant others friends is when you feel most comfortable with each other. I mean you can be dating/talking to someone for 2 months and hanging out with them every single day or your can be dating/talking to someone for 6 months but hanging out with them once every 3 weeks. All in all like most things in relationships, it entirely dependent on your and your significant other and your relationship on how you do things.

Textual Tension

Texting... we all do it. But since when did texting become a replacement for a phone call? I've seen so many "relationships" start off as casual texts and then people wonder why they aren't talking on the phone. If you start off texting you can't expect to make the jump to phone conversations; you've already showed that you are okay with texting as communication. Text messaging should be used when you are pressed for time and can't have a conversation but just need a quick answer, such as "Meet you in 10 mins", 'Whats the intersection?", "Good luck with your interview", "What time is dinner?". Those are all brief statements and questions that require simple responses.
When you try to have a real conversation via text there is a lot of room for error and miscommunication in how a person interprets the message and the tone of it. Text messaging shouldn't be your only source of communication with people, but rather something in addition to your regular phone calls. Text messaging is an impersonal way of communicating... so think twice the next time you want to text someone you haven't talked to in a while.

Guide to Love

There are more and more books, tv shows and movies that are “guides” to reading the opposite sex. Everyone thinks that they have the answer to find “true love” whatever that is. Do we really need a book, tv show or movie to tell us how to find our mates? So many other people have been able to find love without the help of “guide”. Does knowing how the opposite sex thinks and acts help or hinder us? Think about it, if you read a book that says guys like when girls wear mini-skirts and you go and wear a mini-skirt you really aren’t being yourself. More importantly you aren’t going to be comfortable and confident and that’s what a lot of underlying attraction stems from. If you aren’t being yourself you aren’t confident in who you are and this is reflected in your actions. Maybe the bigger issue is that people think that these books, tv shows and movies are going to solve their dating, relationship and love issues. If no two people are alike what makes you think that all guys or girls are going to be the same when it comes to relationships? Our experiences have gotten us to where we are and we’ve learned from them so since we don’t all go through the same things we can’t be thinking alike. I’m sure there are some basic truths to the “guides”, after all we know the guys and girls don’t have the same thought process, but remember that not everyone is going to act according to the guide. At the end of the day all you can do is be yourself and you’ll find what you are looking for when you least expect it… at least that’s what I think (hopefully its true).

Music in my life

Most people that know me know that music is a big part of my life, I’m either listening to it on my computer or iPod at all times. The first thing I do when I get I the car is turn on music, I almost feel naked without a beat. These days while I’m walking around the city or at the gym, I wonder what other people are listening to. We all have iPods and mp3 players that store thousands of songs so what do people listen to? People are just happier and smiling with the headphones on and their head bopping to what they are listening to, regardless of what they are listening to. I wonder if the lady working out in my gym is listening to classical music or T.I. or if the punk rock girl on the EL is listening to U2 or Metric. I mean the beauty of the iPod and any personal system like that is that you can be listening to what ever you want and no one will ever know. Its just interesting to see how based on a person’s appearance we make the assumption on what they are listening to. Music can help people deal and feel emotions they normally may not, anger, sadness, happiness what ever it may be. It’s crazy that a simple thing as music is able to do so much for a person, get them out of a funk, verbalize their feelings, get someone excited, set the mood for an event… the examples are endless.

Are we legally stalking each other?

What's the big deal about Twitter? Do we really need another way to know what someone is doing? Aren't Facebook and Gtalk staus updates enough? In my days of doing nothing I decided to join Twitter to see what all the buzz was about... I don't quite understand the hype. I mean so you can see what people are doing, you can do that by stalking them on Facebook or here's a thought call them and ask them. Do we honestly need to know what are friends, family and celebrities are doing at all hours of the day? There are those that are obsessed with updating their status on all social network sites, I literally saw on girl that was essentially giving a play by play as she was going into labor. It went something like this.... (name has been changed)

Jane is feeling contractions (9:57 am)
Jane is getting her stuff together to go to the hospital and calling her hubby(10:30am)
Jane is waiting for her doctor (11:55am)
Jane is going into labor (1:45pm)
Jane is still in labor (5:30pm)
Jane is the mother of a baby girl (9:30pm)

Is it really necessary? What ever happened to keeping things private? Are Facebook, Gtalk and Twitter updates allowing us to legally stalk each other?

Casual Suit?

More and more companies are going casual as far as attire goes, so why do we still need to dress up in suits to interview? The other day I had an interview with a company to go unnamed and the receptionist was wearing jeans and an over-sized sweater, he had that Seth Rogan look going from Knocked Up. Then I met 2 ladies that were interviewing me, one was in a dress the other in black pants on a white t-shirt. The other 2 men that I happened to see in the office were wearing jeans and button-down shirts. So why ask me to come in a suit instead of just business attire (nice dress pants and a button-down shirt) when the rest of the employees are so casual? I can understand if the job would require me to wear a suit everyday, but this clearly wasn't the case. I mean when you interview me, aren't you supposed to be looking at my resume and my experience, not what I'm wearing? I wouldn't show up in jeans to interview, but honestly who is comfortable wearing a suit to begin with? Its constricting and you feel more stressed wearing that than normal business clothes.

The Waiting Game

The saying goes "Good things come to those who wait" but when should you come to the realization that you are wasting your time waiting? I mean I could sit around waiting for something to happen but I still need to do something to trigger something to happen. My current situation I need a job, but a job isn't going to appear out of thin air, I need to apply and network and do things before I can wait. I guess the saying would be too long if it was "Good things come to those who wait, but in the meantime make something happen".

Mirror mirror on the wall?

Do people see you as you see yourself in the mirror? OR as you see yourself when you look at yourself without a mirror? Example a girl puts on a skirt and a pair of heels and checks out the ensemble in the mirror, focusing on her legs. She then slightly bends to see what her legs look like without the mirror. Is she really seeing the same thing or is it just perception that makes it look different?

Random Thoughts

I've recently become unemployed and doing the job search and self-improvement (aka studying) thing, but I still have a lot of random thoughts and questions in my head. So I've started a blog in which I'd add a daily random thought that I've come across either from something I've read, seen, experienced or just something that popped in my head. I'll put the thought out there and let anyone that comes across the blog provide their feedback, which could turn into some "Pretty Good Advice". I'm open to any random thoughts you may have to offer and would like to post, think of it as a community project.

Remember there is no right or wrong, just a different approach to things...